Steve Marzolf [editorial/content/strategy/copywriting]

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Posts Tagged ‘Health

Wilderness E.R.

Maxim

Maxim

 

It’s tough to dig fall foliage with a tree limb gouging your pal’s torso. Here are some backwoods medic tips so you can play hero. See you on Dateline

Sliced: When your buddy’s need to knife-juggle turns your hike into a slasher flick, apply firm pressure for 10 minutes directly to the gash, says Dr. Paul S. Auerbach, author of Wilderness Medicine. If anything’s poking out – bones, robot innards – don’t put it back; you’ll introduce more bacteria. If your pal suddenly has clammy skin, a racing pulse, and shallow breathing, elevate his legs 30 degrees to pour blood back toward his heart to stave off shock. Camping is fun!

Smashed: When a limb is crushed by a falling Redwood, don’t try to amputate, regardless of how hopeless it seems or how bloodthirsty you are. “Once you cut a limb off … it’s off,” Auerbach says. But if the victim is trapped and your distance from doctors far outweighs his fear of shopping for single shoes, apply a tourniquet above the wound and just saw through it. Yum! If your pal doesn’t lose too much blood, he could have a full life of pirate impressions ahead of him.

Bitten: Assuming your trail bud wasn’t mauled to death by that kill-crazed liger, the key after an animal attack is to fully clean out the wounds. A bear, a wildcat, or an angry unicorn has more germs in its mouth than Amy Winehouse. According to Dr. Luanne Freer, a medical director at both Yellowstone and the Mount Everest Base Camp ER, “Simple dish soap will kill the rabies virus and get out the bacteria that can cause complications in the weeks to come.” So don’t forget to pack the Palmolive.

Gouged: Arrows, ski poles, javelins – no matter how ghastly it looks, don’t pull it out. Besides possibly shredding up more tissue, you’ll eliminate the one thing you’ve got going for you: a plug – the perfect stabilized state. “If it’s occluding a big blood vessel and you take it out, the person could bleed to death,” Auerbach says. If it’s not bleeding too badly, you have a little time (up to a day) before an infection kills him. “So, dude, you feel like finishing the hike and then heading to the ER?”

Burned: First, apply bandages. Then wrap them in plastic – keeping air off the scorched nerves diminishes the pain. And don’t underestimate simple meds. “Any anti-inflammatory will help,” says Freer. “I give Ibuprofen to some burn victims, even if I have narcotics.” Drinking lots of fluids is key. The body can lose liters of water in a few hours when there’s no skin left to retain it. In the meantime, give your ailing chum a stern talking to about how enflamed humans start forest fires, too. 

Written by Steve

December 9, 2008 at 3:45 am

Posted in Maxim

Tagged with , , ,

Rest Assured

Millions of Americans battle insomnia each night, but with these tips you’ll be catching Z’s in no time.

 

Maxim

Maxim

Bush-league sleepers cost U.S. businesses an estimated $150 billion annually in absenteeism and lost productivity. But fear not, rookie snoozers! While other Americans spend $4.5 billion per year on sleeping pills (see sidebar), we’re here to correct your dozing naturally. We even (yawn) brought in the experts to help.

 

Clear Your Head: Psychological links run deep, and things that happened to you as a kid – that bed-shitting incident at camp, say – can still be affecting your sleep. To avoid new hang-ups, send your subconscious the right message by limiting bedroom activities to sleeping and boning. “If you’re in bed for 20 minutes, go downstairs and read a book,” says psychotherapist Michelle P. Maidenberg. “Get out of there so you don’t associate your bed with tossing and turning.” 

Clean Up Your Act: “Take the pillow test on sleepbetter.org to find out which type is right for you,” says Michael Breus, sleep specialist and author of “Good Night: The Sleep Doctor’s 4-Week Program to Better Sleep and Better Health.” “Then, change it once a year – the amount of sweat, oil and other fluids that leak out of your head at night is crazy, and it breaks down the fabric.” Damn – just when that pillow was getting broken in! 

Psych Yourself Out: Leave the sheep-counting to Kentucky pimps and wrangle some shuteye with one of Maidenberg’s relaxation techniques. Start by breathing deeply, then talk out loud about a soothing image, like a recent vacation. Not working? Try Breus’ approach and count backwards from 300 … by threes. “It’s so damn boring that you pass out,” he says. “I’ve never made it past 150.” 

Dim Your World: A night-light can save you plenty of midnight misery. “The second you turn on bright lights, your brain thinks it’s morning and stops producing meltatonin, the key engine to the sleeping process,” says Breus. Studies also show that flashing TV lights degrade sleep, so if you absolutely need “Sin City Diaries” to pass out, at least set the timer so it doesn’t wake you up and reset your precious sleep cycle. 

 

KNOCKER OUTERS!

Ambien – Pros: Knocks most people out quicker than a rolling-pin strike to the temple. Cons: Not great for toss-and-turners who have a tough time staying asleep (only lasts 2-3 hours); some claim they’re hooked.

Tylenol PM – Pros: Might alleviate that postdinner, pre-porn headache you’ve been getting lately. Cons: May have little efficacy on sleep or sleep quality; may cause liver problems if taken while boozing.

Lunesta – Pros: Goes the distance for a full 5-6 hours of uninterrupted pillow time. Cons: Not ideal for people who have a difficult time getting to sleep (it starts slowly but finishes strong, like you in the sack). 

Written by Steve

November 9, 2008 at 8:22 am

Posted in Maxim

Tagged with , , ,