Steve Marzolf [editorial/content/strategy/copywriting]

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How to Purchase …

… A RACEHORSE! 

Maxim

Maxim

 

Hitting the track is that much sweeter when you’re watching your own pony kick ass. Here’s how to make it happen. 

Name Your Price: Thoroughbreds aren’t cheap, so unless you spend your summers at the Kennedy compound in Cape Cod, you’ll probably need track-savvy buddies to split your horse’s cost and upkeep. “About 10 guys throwing in $5,000 each can get you a decent $25,000 horse and cover a year’s worth of training, stabling and feed,” says Daniel Metzger, president of the Thoroughbred Owners and Breeders Association.

Shop Around:  You can buy an untrained animal straight from the farm, pick up a hot prospect at a “purchasing event” (a race in which a horse can be bought for a pre-determined amount), or hit a public auction and let the market dictate a fair price. In any case, hire a trainer beforehand at your local racetrack – that or risk a premature trip to the dog food factory.

Cover Your Assets: To guarantee you’re not the one who ends up sleeping in a barn, Metzger advises setting up an LLC (limited liability company) to separate your racing business from your personal assets. And be sure to elect your most responsible buddy “managing partner” so unpaid oats bills don’t get in the way of swilling bourbon in the winner’s circle, you cheap bastard.

Ride It to the Bank: The possibility of losing your shirt is real, but chances are you’ll recoup your investment through track winnings over the first year or two. And if you discover the next Secretariat, an early retirement could lead to millions in stud fees. “With a good racehorse, the real payoff is in the breeding shed,” says Metzger. “That’s where the real money’s at.”

 

… A MUSCLE CAR!

buymusclecar-lrA windowless van has utility, but a ’74 Camaro makes you even cooler than the kids who smoked in high school.

Stay Simple: Picking up a classic for less than 15 grand requires a few concessions – you’re not going to land a souped-up V8 or a custom trim. But a standard-issue second-generation muscle car is well within reach. Floyd Garrett, owner of the Muscle Car Museum in Sevierville, Tennessee, says the sweet spot for Camaro deals falls between 1970 and 1974.

Snoop Into the Past: Like that stripper at your brother’s bachelor party, you need to figure out where she’s been – but as long as her body holds up, anything else can be fixed. “If I found a ’69 Camaro with a good, solid body and the engine had a rod thrown out the side of it,” Garrett says, “that wouldn’t bother me a bit.” Beware of heavy undercoats hiding 30 years of Detroit winters, and check the trim tag on the firewall to see if the paint color changed – a clue to long hours spent at the body shop.

Keep it Real: The more original parts, the more valuable the car, so hunt under the hood for as many GM stamps as you can find. When it comes to making your own repairs, almost anything is fair game: radiators, alternators, starters, even entire engines can be swapped with moderate ease and expense.

Pimp Your Ride: While the ‘70s offered marvels like outrageous horsepower, sofalike backseats and Freddie Mercury, a few inventions from the golden age of chest hair fell short, namely brakes. Garrett advises replacing the front set of drum brakes with discs for the added convenience of being able to stop on command. 

Written by Steve

November 7, 2008 at 8:04 am

Posted in Maxim

Tagged with , , ,

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